Contents
- What Are Love Styles?
- Why Love Styles Matter
- The Six Classic Love Styles
- Modern Love Styles: A Fresh Take
- How to Use Love Styles in Real Life
- Discover Your Own Love Style with Fun Quizzes
- Conclusion: Love Smarter, Not Harder
Love can feel magical, confusing, or even scary. But did you know there’s a way to understand how we love — and why we act the way we do in relationships? It’s called love styles.
These are patterns that shape how we give and receive love. They help explain why some people crave closeness, while others need space — or why one person loves with grand gestures, while another prefers quiet support.
In this article, we’ll break down the different types of love styles in a fun, easy way. You’ll learn where these ideas come from, what your love style might be, and how this knowledge can improve your relationships. Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term partnership, understanding love styles can help you feel more seen, heard, and connected.
Want to know which type of love styles you are? Try this interactive quiz based on love attitude theory: The Palette of Love
What Are Love Styles?
The idea of love styles was first introduced by Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee in the 1970s. He believed that love comes in different forms — and that people show love in different ways. His theory is known as the “colors of love” theory, and it describes six basic love styles.
Over time, other psychologists and relationship experts have expanded on this idea. Today, love styles are used to help people understand their emotional needs, patterns in relationships, and how to build deeper connections.
Why Love Styles Matter
Just like people have different personalities, we also have different ways of loving. When you know your love style, you can:
- Communicate better with your partner
- Understand your emotional needs
- Avoid misunderstandings and drama
- Choose partners who are a better match
- Build stronger, healthier relationships
If you’ve ever felt like you’re speaking a different love language than your partner, love styles might be the missing piece.
The Six Classic Love Styles
Let’s take a look at the six love styles based on Lee’s classic framework. Each one has a Greek name, but don’t worry－we’ll keep things simple.
Eros – The Romantic Lover
Eros love is passionate and intense. People with this love style fall in love quickly and feel deeply. They’re drawn to physical attraction and emotional closeness.
Traits of an Eros lover:
- Believes in love at first sight
- Values physical touch and affection
- Likes grand romantic gestures
- Feels strong emotional highs (and sometimes lows)
This love style often shows up in the early stages of a relationship, when everything feels exciting and new.
Ludus – The Playful Lover
Ludus love is playful and casual. These lovers don’t take relationships too seriously at first. They enjoy the thrill of the chase and might date multiple people at once.
Traits of a Ludus lover:
- Flirty and fun-loving
- Avoids emotional attachment
- May keep things light and non-committal
- Sees love as a game
While Ludus types may seem carefree, they’re not necessarily “players” — they just value freedom and fun in love.
Storge – The Friendly Lover
Storge (pronounced “store-jay”) is based on deep friendship. These lovers build love slowly, with trust and shared values. They often fall in love with someone they already know well.
Traits of a Storge lover:
- Loyal and dependable
- Prioritizes friendship and companionship
- Values stability over passion
- Often leads to long-term relationships
Storge is common in couples who start as best friends or who have been together for a long time.
Pragma – The Practical Lover
Pragma love is practical and logical. People with this love style make decisions with their head more than their heart. They often look for a partner who shares the same goals, values, or lifestyle.
Traits of a Pragma lover:
- Values compatibility and long-term potential
- Looks for stability and partnership
- May take longer to commit
- Chooses love with intention
Pragma isn’t about sparks or butterflies — it’s about building something that lasts.
Mania – The Possessive Lover
Mania love is intense, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming. People with this style may feel insecure or anxious in relationships. They often need lots of reassurance and may fear losing their partner.
Traits of a Mania lover:
- Can be jealous or clingy
- Feels extreme highs and lows
- Seeks constant connection
- May struggle with trust or boundaries
Mania lovers benefit from learning emotional regulation and building self-worth outside of relationships.
Agape – The Selfless Lover
Agape love is unconditional and giving. People with this style love deeply without expecting much in return. They’re generous, caring, and often put their partner’s needs first.
Traits of an Agape lover:
- Very compassionate and kind
- Seeks to give love freely
- May sacrifice personal needs
- Often spiritual or idealistic about love
Agape lovers may need to balance self-care with their desire to give.
Modern Love Styles: A Fresh Take
While John Alan Lee’s six love styles are still widely used, modern researchers have added new perspectives.
For example, Truity’s Seven Love Styles include types like:
- Activity-focused love: Sharing hobbies and adventures
- Brainy love: Connecting through deep conversations
- Helping love: Showing care through service and support
- Emotionally nurturing love: Offering empathy and comfort
These updated styles show how people express love in today’s world. They’re not replacements for the original six, but helpful additions.
How to Use Love Styles in Real Life
Understanding love styles isn’t just interesting — it’s useful. Here’s how you can apply this knowledge:
- In dating: Knowing your style helps you find partners who match or complement your energy.
- In relationships: You’ll communicate better when you understand each other’s love language and emotional patterns.
- In conflict: You’ll be able to spot misunderstandings rooted in different love styles, and respond with empathy.
Instead of asking, “Why don’t they love like I do?”, you can ask, “What kind of love do they need?”
Discover Your Own Love Style with Fun Quizzes
Curious about your own love style? One fun way to explore it is through quizzes. They aren’t perfect, but they can help you reflect on how you give and receive love.
Try this interactive quiz based on love attitude theory: The Palette of Love
It’s simple, free, and gives you insight into what kind of lover you are — and how that affects your relationships.
Conclusion: Love Smarter, Not Harder
Love is one of the most powerful parts of life, but it doesn’t come with a guidebook. That’s where love styles come in. By understanding your own style — and the styles of others — you can build better connections, avoid heartache, and grow emotionally.
No style is better than the others. Each one has strengths and challenges. What matters most is self-awareness, empathy, and the willingness to grow.
So whether you’re a passionate Eros, a loyal Storge, or a practical Pragma — your way of loving is valid. And now, you have the tools to love more clearly, kindly, and confidently.
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